Commitment in Relationships: The Muscle You Need to Build

The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. 

If a man can’t commit to a woman, he probably can’t commit to anything that requires consistency or courage. Better habits. Long-term goals. Taking real risks. He’s not “thinking it through.” He’s just living with one foot out the door, and that’s no way to approach a relationship - or life itself.

Commitment is a muscle. Built through daily reps, action, discipline, and follow-through. It’s not just about making a decision. It’s about standing by it, day in and day out.

Difficulty in making a decision isn’t just “overthinking” or “paralysis by analysis.” That’s the symptom. 

Underneath it is fear. A fear of failure that’s been rehearsed over and over—a self-fulfilling prophecy created by not following through on the things you say you want. If you haven't built the commitment muscle, you're not ready for a relationship.

Trying to lock one down with a man who hasn't committed to himself is like asking a guy who skips leg day to squat 405. He’s going to fold.

It’s not that he needs a girlfriend. He needs to stop quitting on himself. It’s a muscle to be built every day, and you can't show up for a date with a perfect partner, expecting to be ready to commit when you've never hit the commitment reps before.

Commitment is my favorite word in the English language. To me, it represents power, clarity, and strength. But it’s often misunderstood. People tend to think they can be "80% committed," "90% committed," or even "99% committed," but commitment doesn’t work that way. It's binary: 100% or nothing.

How many gym days have you skipped this week or this month? How many times have you gone back to the same bad habit you swore you’d quit? How many times have you talked about taking a risk before you actually went for it?

Answer those questions and I’ll tell you if you're ready to commit to a relationship.

I’m not suggesting a lack of grace. But let’s be honest - if you aren’t a man who’s held his commitments before, you’re likely to end up with a very disappointed partner if you commit to a relationship before you're truly ready. That’s unfair to your partner.

And I’m also not saying perfection is necessary. You set a reasonable bar you can commit to, and you play at that level - no less. 

Grace? Sure. Give it to yourself. But don't expect it from your partner, because a relationship is an energetic exchange, and women want a man who understands what it means to be all in.

Women don’t want to be the trial run for your first foray into commitment—whether that’s a relationship, a new diet plan, or a morning routine.

Start on yourself. Learn the definition of commitment through consistent, relentless action, especially when you have the luxury of grace.

Be imperfect when you are the only one counting on you.

Build a strong commitment muscle. Be the kind of man whose partner doesn’t have to worry about your ability or capacity to commit, follow through, or bring your full presence to the relationship. Demonstrate this in all areas of your life.

If simply pairing two people is the goal, then give yourself all the grace in the world and don’t worry about perfection. 

But if a happy, healthy relationship is the goal? Then you better know the meaning of the word commitment.

The relationship you have is an extension of what you and your partner embody. So embody commitment and excellence, and so too will your relationship.